hhh ok but sam going to bed, the day having been exhausting for all involved and he’s curled up in his covers, facing the wall when he hears a soft knock at his door, a gentle tap of knuckle on wood
he tenses at first, arm posed to grab the knife he keeps under his bed, but then he hears castiel’s voice, “sam? it’s me.” and sam turns over to see the vague outline of castiel in his doorway, and he sits up, rubs at his eyes blearily before reaching to turn on the lamp that sits on his nightstand when castiel steps out of the shadow of the doorway, sam can see his face illuminated by the moonlight streaming through his window - the soft light makes him look younger, softer. “i just— i don’t sleep, as you know, and i find i don’t really enjoy being alone out there. i thought i’d ask if i could join you.”
the question gives sam pause, and castiel steps back a bit, obviously afraid he’s made some faux pas, said something he shouldn’t. “i’m sorry- i just thought- we… bonded, earlier, and i thought since we hugged, our being in close proximity does not make you uncomfortable, and i rather like it, so i didn’t think you’d mind, but—”
"cas," sam interrupts, voice still thick with sleep. "slow down. you want to…," sam searches for a better wording, but nothing comes to mind, "sleep with me?" he winces a little at how it sounds, but cas doesn’t seem to react to it, besides nodding
"yes. well, you’d sleep — i would just enjoy your presence while waiting for you to wake up."
sam smiles a little at that, and she scooches over to the far side of his bed, pats the space next to him. “well, what can i say to that? of course you can. i understand, it’s unsettling being the only one awake in a dark house.”
castiel steps toward sam’s bed slowly, as if waiting for sam to take back his answer and send him away, but sam smiles encouragingly and pulls down the covers, lets castiel slip in next to him before pulling the blankets back up. sam’s full size bed feels smaller now, castiel a solid warmth beside him, but it doesn’t feel intrusive— it feels rather nice, sam thinks. castiel and him have been friends for a long time, but after the events of the day, they feel closer, an understanding that always existed between them finally put into words.
"are you comfortable?" sam asks when cas is laid next to him, and sam lays back down when cas nods at him. "i move around in my sleep sometimes, i’ll try not to kick you."
castiel responds with, “don’t worry, i know you won’t hurt me.”
cas does that a lot, sam notices; say simple things like that which strike a chord in sam’s chest, the trust implied in the statement enough to make him pause, and he smiles into his pillow. “night, cas.”
sam wakes up a few hours later, head pillowed by castiel’s chest, his hand fisted in cas’ shirt. for the first time in a long time, he realizes he didn’t have a single nightmare.
ok even aside from this being everything that sets a lil ol sastiel shipper’s heart a-flutter
the boy who’s always believed in angels, even when the angels didn’t believe in him, was told that nothing was worth losing him over. that his life was worth something, not only to the world, but to an angel. to his friend. he was told he was loved and that’s something that doesn’t happen nearly enough for sam winchester
i want vulnerable, needy sam going to cas for help and comfort
sam tossing and turning in his bed and his whole body hurts, he’s got a headache so intense that he’s nauseous, and a gaping ache in his chest that he knows won’t go away until he sees his brother again, and cas is reading in the library, hands flipping through the pages incredibly fast, but sam has no doubt that castiel’s retaining all he reads, cas amazes him like that constantly
and sam slumps against the doorframe, scrubbing a hand down his face and sighing, “can’t sleep” when castiel looks up at him questioningly
cas puts down his book and looks at sam with concern (a part of sam aches at that, he doesn’t deserve sympathy), asks, “i’m sorry. what do you need?”
sam shrugs, dragging his feet towards the arm chair next to the one cas is seated in. “i.. don’t know, honestly. i don’t know anymore.”
cas nods, brows still creased in concern. “what do you want?”
and god, it’s that that makes tears spring in sam’s eyes, and he blinks hard against them. it’s such a simple question, but sam can’t remember the last time he was asked that. he’s been making choices based purely on his needs for survival for so long (and so has everyone else in his life, he thinks bitterly, and feels a short-lived burst of anger towards his brother— he can almost still feel gadreel in his head, a phantom limb that won’t stop aching) that he can’t remember the last time he took what he wanted into consideration.
sam thinks for a few moments, keenly aware of cas watching him closely, and it’s with a great effort he lifts his hand, places it over the one cas has sitting idly on the arm of his chair. castiel’s hand is warm under his, and cas’s eyes linger on their joined hands for a moment before turning his hand over, so their palms touch, and tangling his fingers with sam’s. he gives sam a tentative nod, answering the “is this okay?” sam is asking with his eyes, and sam tries for a wavering smile.
sam doesn’t know what he needs at this point, but right now, he knows this is what he wants.